Watching your person
do something that makes them smile
feels like summer rain

It’s often either
all or nothing
void or something
but there’s one thing
that the something
never will reveal:

How to deal.

Ice packs
Heating pads
(Sometimes at the same time)

Music from a show you’ve seen
a hundred times before

Lap cats
long chats
someone else’s sweater

Finishing a storyline
and finding out there’s more

Hot drinks
cooled off
just enough to sip on

Late-night napping on the couch
with no intent to move

Rain sounds
Playgrounds
Lighting a new candle

Sunny summer Saturdays
with nothing planned to do

A forehead kiss
“I got you this”
A note tucked in a book

There are respites everywhere,
you just have to look

That shirt
[dress] [bag]
pressed
up to the
back wall

One that
you might call
much too
special
any old day

Is the one
you should
take out
for today
when

Today seems
too much
to
get to
and go through

At least
you can
cry with
your head
held
high

With a slight
change in light
invisible
comes into focus

With a slight
change of heart
vindictiveness
can be forgiveness

Reaching in and
scraping the bottom and
drawing
up
every last drop
of
what once was

Looking back and
not really knowing when
present
tense
turned into past
but
now it’s gone

There are no words.

There is just dread.

I’m looking forward to a time
when every time
I go outside
I’m not inclined
to risk assess
my every move
and ponder through
the circumstance
and chances that
the plans I’ve made
have just betrayed
the safety we
so carefully
have practiced since
the day this all
began

I’m tired and

I know I’m not
the only one
who can’t have fun
without the shrill
and constant trill
of stark what-ifs
a constant drip
of if we’re sick
how will we fair
and will it wear
our bodies down
and will we drown
within ourselves
and go through hell
or fight it well
and find ourselves
relieved?

But I can’t breathe
and I can’t see
how this will end
or even when
I’ll go outside
without a care

I hope like hell
we’re getting there

A haze
rising up
off the blacktop

A laugh
ringing out
like a gunshot

The night
folding in
like a last hug

The fire
burning out
like a lost love

When we said
the same thing
at the same time
that time
I think you remembered
what it’s like to forget