It’s okay
that you were late
to your own party and

it’s okay
that we waited
for two whole hours and

it’s okay
you decided
to walk back out the door

What’s not okay
is that I expected
anything more

Less than a minute
That was all it took
for your eyes to find mine
and you to catch the look
that said “I am not fine”
before the smile returned
and you held up one finger
showing that you heard

We were gone within seconds
and I’ll always be
grateful for the way that
you’ll always find me
a way out of situations
as they come
through clandestine conversations
on the run

Grateful for
what came before
for teaching me a lesson

To trust my gut
and wonder what
could truly be my passion

It’s hard to see
our growth if we
just keep our eyes set forward

So take the time
to glance behind
and notice what you’ve conquered

It was always loud, an
incessant chatter
snapping me out of the moment and
strapping me in for the ride

Comical, now
because
nothing was actually wrong
then

These days, I sit in meeting
after meeting
placating assholes
nodding
smiling

pretending millions of people
aren’t dying

and that drone
of anxiety
has become
white noise

So constantly present
in the background
that I’m almost no longer
aware

and I greet
with care
the wish to just escape
to quietly cease

and I laugh
that I ever felt like dying
when I was actually able
to live

Carefully choose
what is anchoring you
instead of just letting it happen

For we don’t really know
what we want to hold
and what is just holding us captive

If we take a step back
and actually ask
where we are and where we are going

Turns out we might find
that we’ve been misaligned
and realize that’s why we’re not growing

And it’s sort of funny how
we are where we are now
when it seemed we’d never make it
out of Boston

And if you would have asked us then
we wouldn’t have known when;
the thought of getting out alive
was not an option

A makeshift bed
in a familiar room
a lingering, pervasive
overwhelming sense of doom

The hum of a fan
The creak of the floor
The subtle insecurity
of needing something more

The light through the window
The rain on the glass
The absolute uncertainty
of how long this will last

A fitful night’s sleep
A brand new resolve:
If I don’t try and do this now
I won’t do it at all

None of the bitter,
just all of the sweet
when something feels this right

Might be a winner
might be in too deep
but won’t know til I try

I want to slow the pace of things
and just see what the days will bring
but every passing hour holds
the weight of obligations

And even when I schedule time
that’s cordoned off and truly mine
I’m constantly bombarded by
the snowballing frustrations

I’m tired, but I can’t relax
the volume of the world’s on max
I know I’m not the only one
but it’s still isolating

My plans are always undercut
I’m lacking optimism but
I know all I can really do
is breathe
and keep creating

Walking past the passersby
No one has a clue that I
have a dead man’s watch inside
my right front pocket

Crack a smile and nod along
all the while I keep on
slowly tracing fingers round
and I can’t stop it

Shouldn’t really mean a thing
yet my mind is out here crafting
stupid fucking metaphors of
running out of time

Guess it’s like they always say:
soon as something goes away
everybody wishes they could
realize and rewind

Windows open at the wheel
More than ever, now I feel
heavy from the watch inside
my right front pocket

I slowly take it out
and drop it.